July 2016 thinking about the future

July has only just started but it feels like a different time. Not sure what this means. Politically we are going to one out of the EU which I wish we weren’t doing, so usually this would bring on a feeling of doom, and with the ChilcotĀ Report arriving into the media and both the Tories and Labour searching for new leaders, you would be forgiven for thinking everything is in turmoil. Adding the Trump fiasco to the mix seems bizarre. However I am feeling centred and calm today which might be due to antibiotics which I need to fight an infected hand – horrible mess actually on both hands from an intolerance to paper I fear on my moderating weeks. Well that’s my theory, the doctors are having a guess too……

 

Today I went to Liverpool with a bus load of Year 10 pupils to see the Francis Bacon exhibition in the Tate. It was challenging for them but they were genuinely interested in this tortured view of his world. It set me off on an idea for a drawing again – going large scale – a feather drawing either in pencil or ink. Can’t wait to get started.

 

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September introspection

Thinking about life and death recently. Finding a way through my thoughts has been difficult. Worries about my ageing mother compound the fogginess after her recent fall. Thinking about dad and whether there is something else after death or not. Such an impossible question. Morning mist usually rises as the heat of the sun rising dissipates it. Thoughts can be like that in my head, starting early in the cold, deepening in intensity, then dissolving as the day progresses and stuff takes over. I have to look at the positive side of everything or I can drown in it. I hate negativity. Sometimes it takes you by surprise – everything’s suddenly OK and I don’t know why. Other times I have to plan my way out of it, fill up the space before something gets in there. Or I escape – go somewhere, see someone, call someone, read or draw.
Sometimes I cry.