A hot dry month when we all reached for fans and watered gardens to save the pots of bizzie lizzies and begonias. June is my month of moderating art exam work and I had a lot of interesting colleges and schools to visit. Stayed in The Coal Exchange for a few nights in Cardiff- well worth a visit as it’s got quirky individual rooms and an amazing history. I had a behind the scenes tour with one of the receptionists and saw quite a few different rooms. A great week there.
Bit of a whirlwind of experience. Ubud is a small city clogged up with traffic including millions of scooters. It makes walking anywhere a real trial. On Tuesday we went to draw in a temple gardens and sorted out umbrellas, flip flops and sarongs. Food was lovely fresh veggies and rice or noodles. I’ve enjoyed going to different restaurants for lunch and dinner. The group is gelling well and although a bit eccentric and odd, they are interesting and pleasant. Early morning swim at 6am is wonderful. Today was a crazy adventure. I had said I wasn’t going on the walk into the countryside as my back was awful but decided to go as there was an option of a shorter walk. We went along a path that was paved in the Indonesian way- treacherous at times! Scooters also squeezed past us as we walked past rice fields and a lot of tourist shacks selling everything. Then we went further into the tropical forest which was full of sounds of birds and a monkey, oversized green trees and palms. We stopped at a place called Pyramids of Chi an amazing wellness retreat for a drink and rest and we’ve booked for some sound relaxation sessions tomorrow. Martyn the organiser proceeded to take us down the mountain via the little grass paths of the rice fields until we had to turn back as they fizzled out and the sky darkened, thunder and lightning happened and we were in brightly coloured ponchos in the middle of the fields precariously balancing in the torrential rain. We found a posh retreat hotel whose staff took pity on 7 drenched brightly coloured rats and took us on a golf buggy to find the road! We made it back and luckily everyone was laughing as it was a surreal experience. We did some drawing on our return but I opted for a Balinese massage near the hotel which was bliss. We had our seminar in a bar then had lovely food before diving into bed early again. Certainly not boring.
Returned from The Baltics on the last Day of May, beating the chaos at airports of jubilee weekend. Drawing with Martyn, Kathy, Shiela and Madeline was a mixture of fun and challenge. We started by flying to Tallinn in Estonia. It’s a beautiful historic city, cobbled streets and medieval city walls. Walking around the city was exhausting but you slowly came to know this northern Baltic place. Sitting amongst the monumental sculptures from the Soviet era was a highlight when we took a bus out to the National Estonian museum. There were parts of huge sculptures resettled there. Immense blocks of granite and marble , heads of Lenin toppled sitting on the ground, fascinating. We sat and drew them in bright sunshine, calm but bizarre. Catching the train to Tarth through endless young birch trees and flat green fields was quite boring and shapeless. Tartu was a university town again with a cobbled centre but very quiet. Sleepy in the morning, lively at night. Few tourists. The leaning Art museum was quirky on the main square and we all loved the fabric shop full of rolls and rolls of fabric and every imaginable dressmaking need. But best of all was catching a bus to the outskirts to another national Estonian museum, newly built, a stunning modern building with an amazing collection and the most iconic installation taking you through time from the beginning of their indigenous people on a turquoise river of light and sound. Recovering from that in the restaurant I even met the President of Estonia – how mad is that! I was choosing a cake when I asked two Estonian women about the sprat cake, they proceeded to go through all the cakes telling me whether they were good or not. I settled on the Ukrainian honey cake. Shortly after that delightful encounter one of the ladies came to talk to us and told us the man in the suit getting coffee was the Estonian president and we should ask him for a photo. After a short giggly debate we decided to try. He was charming and willing to chat and have a photo taken with us. The Estonian looked on with amusement and I thanked them later. I looked him up and he truly was the president newly elected and previously the director of this museum, Alar Karis.
Alar Karis Estonian President in Tartu with me on right of photo!Me and Lenin, TallinnOne of the Soviet era monuments Victor Kingissepa 1988Lenin’s ear Tallinn
After a great three days in Tallinn and having tracked down a crazy hat before three more days in Tartu we caught the train to Valga on the border between Estonia and Latvia. More young birch trees and pancake flat fields. At the border we got off and the station was enormous like a city or cathedral. No one there, very run down just a few people waiting to go to Latvia. Met one young man from Australia, wish I’d spoken longer to him but he said we’d got an hour to wait so he’s off to explore Valga. The station was like what you’d think Russia used to be like, but abandoned, soulless. There was an A4 sheet of white paper pinned to an old notice board which had the Latvian train times on. Other people waiting were ordinary folk either Estonian or Latvian, no one spoke. The train arrived on time. Inside were bench seats made from laminated bentwood, 50s style. It was a very slow lumbering train that stopped everywhere. No tourists just locals. It was high off the ground so we had a good view of the flat green fields and a bit more variety of trees. The border was a shallow wire fence, we didn’t stop. A few hours later we arrived in Riga. I had drawn all the way- one of my continuous line drawings of trees and buildings and pylons.
Valga station Estonian Latvian border The journeyOf course I dipped in the Baltic Sea!
This month I have enjoyed some great holidays, starting with our annual family gathering in Pembrokeshire at a gorgeous house in Saundersfoot. Twelve of us together, two sons with their families and my brother and his partner with me and my husband. Children everywhere delighted to be together. Wild abandon coupled with some coughs which spread through us all! Beach walking with donuts, talking, eating and playing, an early Halloween party and hot tubbing in the evening was joyous. I love to watch them all. Naturally my thoughts turned to missing mum. She loved this week together though her hearing made it difficult sometimes. I told everyone about my hearing aid which was strange, slightly embarrassing. I had a skin reaction to the hot tub, but it was worth it to sit overlooking the beach and town in the dark, even when some nights the rain fell, with some wine and having good conversation. It’s the only time that we get together now with my brother. It would have been wonderful if he had had kids.
The following week I travelled to Edinburgh with my brother. My week was split between Edinburgh and the Cairngorms. It was just great. Art galleries, restaurants, sightseeing, playing Canasta. The mountains were majestic, sometimes clothed in misty fog, rivers were edged with golden Autumnal trees. Dundee V&A was superb. Walking on Portobello beach was my usual delight. Unfortunately we all succumbed to the grandchildren’s bugs so had a few days battling with a cold and cough. But we survived.
My thoughts were with Cathy and her struggle with her horrible illness. I might be able to get out to America later this month if she’s well enough. We’ll see. My own life seems different somehow and I still get a feeling of disconnectedness, feeling like I’m somewhere else, a sadness really that I can explain but have no control over. Thinking about how long I might have left and what should I do, what difference I can make to my sons lives sometimes is confusing and sometimes is depressing. I can’t talk to anyone about this except in small chunks with my sons. It almost feels like I’m being self indulgent. Visiting Mum’s grave on the way to Scotland was very emotional and reminded me that bereavement is with us all of the time just in different concentrations. It can catch me out sometimes in its intensity. At other times it is a wonderful memory that makes me smile.
September was just doing my normal routines, duties, daily drawing, grand – parenting and visiting Mum in Preston. The big event was the front room parquet floor being restored. After being covered since the fifties it was an amazing transformation. It is fantastic. I love it. It is now my favourite room.
October continued, but at the end of the month I collected mum from Preston and we all went to Saundersfoot for a week in a gorgeous house overlooking the beach with a hot tub. It was great to have 4 generations of my family together. Helen is expecting their third child in February so we’ve lots to look forward to. It was a wonderful week. I started my third year of daily drawing this week.
November was my birthday month so I invited my sons and their families to my house to celebrate. It was perfect. Two of my paintings were accepted for the Winterwall exhibition in the Cardiff MADE gallery. I was so chuffed. Quite a special day. They are white treescapes on tissue paper. The trees are tiny silhouettes on top of the mountain opposite my house – my daily view.
My annul visit to the O2 to see the ATP Tennis finals happened in a different way – I stayed with L. (university friend) and together we managed to see the Tate Britain’s Rachel Whiteread’s exhibition and the tennis, some long conversations and then I visited my brother and his daughter and met my new grand niece Erin for the first time as well as my other two grand nice and nephew. A frustrating visit but the kids were superb.
This year I decided to visit my mum on Mother’s Day. At 89 it’s important she’s not alone on that day. We went to her church and watched the local primary children sing, read poems and give every woman a bunch of daffodils. It was surprisingly lovely. I always visit my dad’s grave when I visit the church in Bilsborrow, Lancashire and, though I don’t believe in an after life, find myself talking to him in my head. She’s a little frailer this year but still lives independently and is a visitor for Help the Aged – she visits a lady called Monica who is over 90 for them. We had a gorgeous walk on the prom at Lytham St Annes, remembering when I brought my children there and we marvelled at the old white windmill. When we got to St Annes we walked a little way on the beach and had our coffee from Gran’s blue flask. The weather was kind to us, with bright blue skies although it was cold. The rest of the week I tried to sort out her phone – a trial with Talk Talk – a boring but predictable and infuriating saga. we worked on a corner of her garden which she is finding more difficult now.
This month has been frantic planning and organising a trip with Year 10 pupils to visit Helsinki – a mini International Youth Meeting with our group and a small group of students from Pielavesi in Finland at Easter. More hours than you can imagine has been put into the planning of this trip as it is a new city for me to visit. Normally I just change planes there and see the airport shops flash by as I dash for my next plane to Kuopio. I have been meeting the students every Tuesday and Saturdays bag packing and for a sponsored walk along the canal.
I managed to get to see the David Hockney exhibition in Tate Britain as well as see my University friend Lindsay. I spent a day drawing in the V&A which was a delight for me. It’s such a special experience – I treasure it. My drawings are better than last year.
I finished my “White landscape” painting at last and put it in the Women’s Art Exhibition in the Theatre Frycheiniog. Where they hung it was beautiful. I was proud of this painting even though it is so simple, so I was worried about the reaction from people, but I needn’t have worried. I think most people liked it. I’ve painted three small white paintings on tissue paper which I will frame or hang on a narrow pole later this year. It has given me a real boost of creativity.
First visit of the month to Edinburgh to see my brother and go o the Davis Cup Semi finals in Glasgow. Fab time getting lost in Glasgow roadworks, cheering and shouting for the British team, singing Scottish songs then losing my voice. Loved wandering around Portobello and my usual Ginger tea at Espy’s and strolling on the beach. Even fitted in a Turkish bath at the Swimming baths on the promenade. Managed a few art exhibitions in Edinburgh – one was mind blowing when I put on a pair of reality goggles and was transported into a fantasy land of psychedelic halls, bridges and weirdness. Loved it. called in at the cafe Royal for a Gavi and a people watch.
Second travelling was to Preston to see mum. I love travelling on the train. Sometimes I have someone to talk to but other times I just love the solitude and do my thinking and drawing. Trees still fascinate and their shapes are ever changing and challenging to draw on the move. I drew an interesting old leather briefcase on a seat and only got part way through as the man moved it. Had to hold myself back…. Preston was comforting. Home. Spending time with mum is good as we can’t have too many trips together now she is 89. Time is precious and also full of memories to talk about. She loves to talk about Dad and Gran and Grandad, I suppose I’m one of the few people she can do this with. We talked about her childhood too and her boyfriends and Culleybackey in her first 18 years. I know I did this with dad too but she’s the last of that generation that lived through the war and its sad to think that soon they will all be gone. New stories emerge overtime we talk about her past, sometimes looking at old faded photos. I want to start planning her 90th birthday party, but am holding back as July is a long way off. Sometimes I wake up dreading the day as it might be a day one of us dies.
My two grandchildren are flourishing. They are full of energy and mischief and imagination. On my Nana Val Fridays we now have to include the afternoon trip to the primary school as Meg is attending half days now. She looks so delicious in her school uniform. Can’t believe she’s almost 4.
Drawing in my daily book marches on – I love it. The book is so special now, like a visual diary as I remember what I was doing on that day, even the weather somehow. In November it will be the DAY I reach 365 drawings. I must find a way to celebrate………
Just got back from a Moderators Conference in Cardiff and listened to the Listening Project on Radio 4 that made me weep and think of dad. I miss him so much and it’s been 10 years. Could not get great sadness from my mind. Tried to read Tom Bullough’s book but it only made it worse as it is full of sadness and regret. That lead to my regrets and thinking about the waste in my past. Need to be more optimistic as I used to be. Come on…..Wondered what mark I will leave……
I’ve been missing my grandchildren – aged 3 and 1. It was good to see them again after my Spanish holiday. They give me great happiness when I look after them each week but it can be challenging. I want to see them grow and develop and blossom into beautiful adolescents and adults. I feel very protective of them yet also a little detached. I want them to love reading and drawing, going to art galleries, making things, helping people, be good listeners and be open minded about the world and find wonderful partners who do not betray their trust. No pressure then!!!!!!!
Today (Saturday) after my son dug out an old diseased cherry tree that dad had given me I planted, with great difficulty, an acer tree that has been growing in a pot on my patio. It looks tiny but will look gorgeous when it settles and grows taller. I am so pleased it brings a smile to my face every time I look out of the window and see it. The grass is a bit of a mess around it but that will settle eventually.
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